One-on-One Consensus Building
How to ask the questions to identify different one-on-one conflicts.
By Michael Wilkinson, CMF
CEO & Managing Director, Leadership Strategies, Inc.
I had a nice aha moment yesterday about the use of consensus strategies on a one-on-one basis. I was teaching a half-day Consensus Building session to Redstone Arsenal in Huntsville, AL. At the close of the session, we reviewed a list they had created of the types of disagreements they have at the Arsenal and they identified which ones were Levels 1, 2 and 3. They found this very helpful. I then told them:
"There are many times that I sit through meetings and watch people disagree – with each one making statements instead of asking questions. I find myself wanting to say to them, 'Would you stop and just ask a question?' The tricky part is knowing which questions to ask.”
Through my work with literally hundreds of groups and pairs of individuals over the past decade, I have concluded that disagreements can be categorized into three basic types or levels. Level 1, which is a lack of shared information; Level 2, different values or experiences; and Level 3, outside factors impacting the disagreement. Here are some questions to ask to help identify which type of disagreements you are dealing with and develop a strategy to overcome them.
In a Level 1 disagreement the people disagreeing have not clearly heard or understood each other’s alternative and the reasons for supporting it. Level 1 disagreements are often a result of assumed understanding of what the other person is saying or meaning. In order to slow the conversation down to encourage careful listening and comprehension, ask questions like “help me understand that better?” and “ how would that work?” Then you can start to use techniques like delineation to be sure both parties have the same understanding of the issues, and move closer to consensus.
A Level 2 disagreement is based not on information, but values and/or experiences. The parties have fully heard and understand one another’s alternatives. However, they have had different experiences or hold different values that result in them preferring one alternative over another. This is often the case with political parties who typically fully understand each other’s platforms and initiatives, but often fundamentally disagree on how a country, state, or city should be run. The questions to ask move this type of agreement toward consensus should be designed to bring out the strengths and weaknesses of each argument. “Why would we want to do that? What benefits do you see in it?” This way you can begin to merge toward a consensual agreement.
The Level 3 disagreement can be the trickiest to handle and is often not able to be solved in the originating conversation. A Level 3 disagreement is based on personality, past history or other outside factors that have nothing to do with the alternatives and sometimes not at all related to the discussion. In a Level 3 disagreement, one or more of the parties show no interest in resolving the disagreement, considering alternatives or convincing the other side. The best way to handle this type is to ask the question “We seem to be at an impasse. Should we take this to a higher source and let that person make the decision?” Since the disagreement is not based on the issue, there is little desire to focus on the issue.
Disagreements can be small or large, but all have the potential for negative impact on both meetings and one-on-one conversations. It’s important to understand the levels of disagreement and the correct questions to ask to solve them. For more on consensus building for groups, check out my book “The Secrets of Facilitation” or consider taking our Effective Facilitator class.
About the Author
Michael Wilkinson is the Managing Director of Leadership Strategies – The Facilitation Company, and a much sought after trainer, facilitator and speaker. He is a Certified Master Facilitator and a Certified Professional Facilitator. As a past president of the Southeast Association of Facilitators and a board member of the International Institute of Facilitation, Michael is a national leader in the facilitation industry. You can get more tips from either of Michael’s books, The Secrets of Facilitation or The Secrets to Masterful Meetings. You can receive a signed copy through our website.
